So, I resigned

Yea, you read it right. After two months as an intern and another two years as a fulltime Software Engineer in the same company, I decided that the time is due.

I chose to quit without any backups. Without any ongoing job applications. Without any anything. Everyone told me that I was out of my mind. Me, someone who always had a backup plan for a backup plan. Decided to quit my high paying stable income.

The tl;dr is that my guts told me to quit. Now.

An Ideal Working Environment?

An AI-first, a fast adapting company, a high paying company for freshgrads, a top-notch medical insurance, a hybrid WFO schedule, free lunch, occasional group lunches, reimbursed AI tools,... what can go wrong?

Being a Cog in a Machine

When I first applied here, I did my due diligence. Yea I applied in a funny way (will be covered at a later time), but I accepted the offer after doing my research.

I applied here because I saw that they are looking for humans. Actual humans, not just a thing procured by the HRs. Someone who had their own opinions, could throw in random ideas, someone who had their own ideals, and most importantly, someone who had their own past.

Everyone is unique. I like listening to other people's stories because, I get to learn more about them. About their journey, their struggles, their questions, their motivations, their opinions, their past, their dreams, their everything. Humans are unique. People are unique.

This is what differentiates us from AI agents. Or cron jobs. At first, I was happy and I felt "seen". My past felt "seen". The network I brought felt "seen" and "appreciated". But the reality told me otherwise.

Choosing Quality Over Speed

In an AI-first company, I had a hard time adapting actually. As I am someone from a community that appreciated human effort and struggle (read: Competitive Programming) and sometimes, doing things manually in justice of learning, instead of with AI, took more time.

My planning took a lot more time than implementing. I implemented everything using the SDD framework. Iterating the plan with AI took a lot more time and a ton of tokens before it is ready to be implemented. Even I review all lines of code during the implementation. Whether it were the unit test files that people don't bother to care, or docstrings.

Even during reviewing other Pull Requests, I tried reading all lines. Whether it was a 400+ LoC or 7000+ LoC, I read them all. Including the tests files. I flag everything suspicious. Go through the files again. Then finally ask for AI to help review. This way, I learn how the majority of the code works and I had the context when I read the AI's summary.

Again, this kind of "ideal" workflow was taking more time than my peers. But, most of my work was flawless and has minimal bugs. And, I was using AI in a way that I learn too. I don't want to brainlessly throw everything into AI. I don't want to build a habit of early gratification with AI.

I don't want to deskill myself.

I want AI to be a tool for me, not to downgrade me.

Becoming a Zombie

We had overtimes, avoidable miscommunications, tight deadlines, daily deployments, the telephone game, and other stuff that are totally understandable in a fast paced company. I thought that was a challenge to be overcomed. Delivering more than expected, as much as possible.

From getting a relatively high KPI compared to my peers, to getting spotlighted as star of the month in the company multiple times during my period here. I was happy at that time. I was learning as much as I could. I was enjoying my work.

Then, I was slowly drowning from being a thriving employee to just a surviving employee. I still had my plus points which helped leverage several of my strong advantages, but it wasn't enough to be proud of myself and my work anymore. I realized I was trying to force myself into a pace and style of work that no longer matched how I build and learn best.

The signs were there. I got burnt out. And, at the same time, I realized that I thrive when I have time to deeply understand my craft, rather than focusing purely on speed.

My values were no longer aligned with the company. I tried raising this issue but to no avail.

For months, I tried voicing my perspective and finding a middle ground, but ultimately, our core values were just different. And that’s okay. I am not asking the company to change for me. It was simply the sign I needed to step back and choose a different path.

I guess this is my time to go.

The Final Straw: Choosing Growth Over Comfort

My mentor in life, who had pushed me to get a full-time job and he supported me going here, told me to resign after hearing my stories. From recruiting a ton of interns and fulltimers, to the one quitting.

My gut told me to quit, and my body seemed to agree. I found myself sneezing constantly the moment I sat down at my desk and the sneezing calmed down whenever I left the office, even though Jakarta was at an all time high in pollution rates. And I couldn't even eat the provided lunches anymore because they were getting spicy more and more frequently,... way beyond my tolerance. Were these the signs?

If multiple people share the exact same gut feeling, like when my mentor and I had the same instinct, what do you call it?

A colony.

The signs were there. I wasn't happy. I wasn't learning. I wasn't growing. I am not growing. I wouldn't be able to grow anymore here. I saw that this place couldn't provide me the room to grow. It is the time to go.

The company was not getting anything more from me as our values had clashed, and I don't want to be a zombie who worked only for the salary while clashing with my internal values.

I didn't have anything planned when I submitted my resignation letter. No ongoing job applications.

But, a lot of my friends said that I look livelier, happier, more optimistic, enjoying my work more, and a lot more positive than I was before submitting the resignation letter.

I was so excited with my resignation that I made it a lot more grander than what it was supposed to be.

I guess that's that. My guts saw the littlest things that my conscious mind missed. It's time to trust my subconscious mind and let things flow.